update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
