3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
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