I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
