I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I need to calm my uterus...
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
