Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
