wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize