Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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