if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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