I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
