I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Randomize