The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
