Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
