Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
