he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
