Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
i think i just lost a toe
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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