I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
the liver wants what the liver wants
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
