So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
