I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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