girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
