Sry I called you an 8
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
