What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
