She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize