I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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