i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
barbara walters just said penis...
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
