Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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