ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
