I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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