Sry I called you an 8
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
barbara walters just said penis...
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
