Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
