you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
