Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
