eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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