HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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