You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize