my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
