did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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