Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize