sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
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