those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
