I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
