Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I don't deserve a penis
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
