i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
