If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
