Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
