I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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