ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
