He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
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