piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
