just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
