Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
dude. I can hear the air.
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