Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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