this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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