Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Randomize
