I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
