mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Randomize
