This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize