Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize