Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
