As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
