I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
