i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
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