Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
