Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
