Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
It's blow job season.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
