Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
