I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
