hell yes lets make some ravioli
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
