Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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