Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
