Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
