She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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