So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize