found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
