he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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