you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Sext me about skeletons
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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