Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
