He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
