Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
