Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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