College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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