I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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