If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
