I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
