Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize
