My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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