i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
you had me at cake vodka
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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