time to smoke my breakfast
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Congratulations! We have a period
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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