Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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