i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize