he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
