Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
