told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
