What tipped you off? The sombrero?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
